don't ask, don't tell.
the debate about homosexuality's morality will, i think, continue unceasingly. so i'm going to ask that anyone reading this set aside their personal moralistic/religious/whatever attitude - whichever side of the debate you're on.
assume i'm thinking aloud, and just eavesdrop. i'm assuming here that you wouldn't be so rude as to interrupt someone you're eavesdropping on, of course.
the whole thought process started when i wondered how it feels to be gay. no wait, that's not exactly it, because if you're gay you wouldn't feel it, much the way that i don't feel heterosexual sitting here at the computer. i just am, and that's all there is to it.
so how do gay people... ok, it's like this. for me, being hetero at the most primal level means i'm... i'm the man. i'm the giver - i pour myself in to initiate, i pour myself in to complete. i'm being really, REALLY simplistic here because i'm just trying to describe what it's like for a guy.
this is going somewhere, so stop interrupting.
so if i were gay - how would i feel at that primal moment? would i retain a sense of being a giver or do i assume the role of receptacle? do gay people in relationships alternate their roles, or are they fixed? i think the question is relevant because it's not just about the plumbing. that's physiological. i think the one thing that homosexuality makes evident is that whatever you've got down there, whom you are in the moment is a function of what's in your head, and in the head of your partner.
i'm deliberately not using the words 'dominant', 'submissive' or suggesting that there is any sort of power inherent in the position of a giver. there isn't. when you're in the moment, you have so completely lost your sense of self that the power lies in the act of union itself, not in any individual.
the ancient greeks had a legend about the 1st humans - hermaphrodites with 4 arms, 4 eyes, two heads, 4 legs, - you get the picture. but then zeus sent lightning or some such thing and then the human was divided into two halves - male and female - that are always looking make themselves whole again. very myffic, very wossname, as gaspode the wonder-dog would say.
it's not the prettiest thought (what the fuck would you do with 4 legs?), but what it does do is make one aware of the possibility of a human experience that is not bounded by the walls of gender or gender-specific roles.
but here's what i don't know - do gay people have both those heads in their own? can they see with four eyes? is gender a state of mind, not body, to them? am i asking really stupid questions? haha.
ok seriously, can gay people juggle between roles within a relationship/in their lives or are the more or less the same as me - fixed in my role? does the fact that they are outside gender-based role stereotyping mean that they are also able to not create walls for themselves, that they can move through every level of the human experience without redefining who they are?
it's all looking like a garbled mess to me, but it's been in my head for a while and has been looking for a way out.
answers? more questions? pissed-off gay people telling me to mind my own business? bring it on.
assume i'm thinking aloud, and just eavesdrop. i'm assuming here that you wouldn't be so rude as to interrupt someone you're eavesdropping on, of course.
the whole thought process started when i wondered how it feels to be gay. no wait, that's not exactly it, because if you're gay you wouldn't feel it, much the way that i don't feel heterosexual sitting here at the computer. i just am, and that's all there is to it.
so how do gay people... ok, it's like this. for me, being hetero at the most primal level means i'm... i'm the man. i'm the giver - i pour myself in to initiate, i pour myself in to complete. i'm being really, REALLY simplistic here because i'm just trying to describe what it's like for a guy.
this is going somewhere, so stop interrupting.
so if i were gay - how would i feel at that primal moment? would i retain a sense of being a giver or do i assume the role of receptacle? do gay people in relationships alternate their roles, or are they fixed? i think the question is relevant because it's not just about the plumbing. that's physiological. i think the one thing that homosexuality makes evident is that whatever you've got down there, whom you are in the moment is a function of what's in your head, and in the head of your partner.
i'm deliberately not using the words 'dominant', 'submissive' or suggesting that there is any sort of power inherent in the position of a giver. there isn't. when you're in the moment, you have so completely lost your sense of self that the power lies in the act of union itself, not in any individual.
the ancient greeks had a legend about the 1st humans - hermaphrodites with 4 arms, 4 eyes, two heads, 4 legs, - you get the picture. but then zeus sent lightning or some such thing and then the human was divided into two halves - male and female - that are always looking make themselves whole again. very myffic, very wossname, as gaspode the wonder-dog would say.
it's not the prettiest thought (what the fuck would you do with 4 legs?), but what it does do is make one aware of the possibility of a human experience that is not bounded by the walls of gender or gender-specific roles.
but here's what i don't know - do gay people have both those heads in their own? can they see with four eyes? is gender a state of mind, not body, to them? am i asking really stupid questions? haha.
ok seriously, can gay people juggle between roles within a relationship/in their lives or are the more or less the same as me - fixed in my role? does the fact that they are outside gender-based role stereotyping mean that they are also able to not create walls for themselves, that they can move through every level of the human experience without redefining who they are?
it's all looking like a garbled mess to me, but it's been in my head for a while and has been looking for a way out.
answers? more questions? pissed-off gay people telling me to mind my own business? bring it on.
Comments
When the seeds of your attraction are planted, what fertilizes them? (try to concentrate here, I know it seems really sexual...)Is it the idea of who will give/receive? Or is it the ideas that flow from the person's head/mouth/mind that draw you to want to know more/see more/touch more? And if it is those thoughts that lead to your actions, do your actions then spring forth from those thoughts and in that case, it really doesn't matter who's giving, who's receiving...it only matters that you both come...